Board Thread:Critiques/@comment-24174677-20140531033654/@comment-3568435-20140531050842

Hokay. I don't actually do many critiques, but seeing how you're asking and how can I resist a bit of soul-selling action, I'll give this a go.

Now, okay, maybe I don't know too much about this. But from everything I know, selling one's soul usually means some benefit at the price of eternal torment. Akumi...Seems to lack a benefit. There's a difference between selling your soul and having it stolen, and since you say it's sold, shouldn't she be getting something? Devil and Tom Walker had it for money (as I recall) The Mask: The Animated Series had it for a better job, Rock Band 3 had it so...You had a really sweet rock band, I guess. Point being, this is torment for torment's sake, and deals with the devil usually are a (really heavy) risk-reward thing?

Not sure why she thinks her brain is balanced--Her pain is mentioned frequently, and she's aware she's insecure and manipulatable.

The princess thing is a wee bit cliched and doesn't have much of a place. Besides, this muddles how long she's been living. Though really I'm opposed to princesses for princesses' sake, since it's just...Not crucial? Also there's a lot of them. Those murders are a bit of a Deus Angst Machina to me as well, seeing how everything else seems to be woe and misery for her. Is there a reason she sold her soul? That'd help.

...Ooooh, it's for a guy? So...What did she gain from this? I get the rejection, but was there a reason why she sold her soul to get him? She didn't gain anything from this deal. Y'know, Satan's usually more honorable.

Wait wait pirate? Um. Explain? You can't just throw that detail at us in a quote, that seems like it could have shaped her personality! Use this!

Was her kingdom in Japan? If so, why is her surname English? If not, why is her first name Japanese? Well, who am I to pick on that, cough cough Bianca Isblomma.

Don't list a character as most like you. It...It seems self-insert-y, and that can turn sour fast if and when you begin using her to enact power fantasies.

...And she's based on a song--That's why she's a princess and a pirate? Yeesh, um, that's...That's pretty flimsy. Unless you can make her grow from these experiances, don't just do it for a theme song. A good theme song does not a good character make.

Sorry that's a lot, but, er, hope it helps. ^^; Feel free to ask for clarification on anything, I s'pose.