User blog:LondonSpear/Call me Poison

Hey everyone, I'm SO glad to finally see some more people continually editing over at this wiki. It's been lonely for quite some time. I just wanted to give y'all a life update, because "Why the hell not?".

Life is rough, i think everyone can attest to that. Life is also Dramatic - i swear, not in a good way, but when you hit rock bottom the only place left to go is up. Essentially, no matter what happens in life, there is always the possibility and chance that things will get better.

The year of 2018, was garbage, i think most people can agree. I joined Wikia (now Fandom) in December of 2017, and was very happy to be a part of a community with new friends etc. After that, real life turned very, very bad. There was this guy in one of my extracurricular classes, who legit loved terrorizing me, and spreading rumors. Then my dad, who retired from his old job with a gov't pension, was getting sued because he fired someone who was being unethical, years before he retired. This guy claimed my dad 'ruined his career', and was sueing for literally everything. Which means, i woul dhav been homeless, and all the $$ that was put away for my university funds (for me and my 5 siblings) would be lost. So essentially, our lives would be ruined, or so it seems.

This guys was a psycho, and i'm not throwing that word around lightly. I've known many psychos through my time, even recently - but this man actually did have some mental disabilities. My father won the case, eventually. However, it was a very scary time.

Of course i came back to the online Monster High community to get my mind off everything. I introduced my ghouleb, Canine Nyx with her nemesis Giszelle, and my other Flaunt High characters from that story line. This process of creating these characters and the backstory was mainly to get my mind off real life. Because of this, I rarely went back and edited what i wrote, since i was only typing to get words onto paper as a distraction (hense all those freaking cringe pages).

When art seemed like the trend for 'successful fan characters', i decided i needed to provide some visual representation of those main characters. Which led to some tracing and franken-dolling, to get proportions and sizing correct. While, I have left those techniques behind, they definitely helped jump start my ability, to now draw freehand in the MH (and to an extent) the EAH art styles.

Friends come and go through life, which was the next stage of my year. I attended a National Forensics Tournament, and lost all the friends on my team, and many acquaintances from other 'clubs and teams' for various other reasons. The end result was detrimental to our team overall. Before the tournament I was 12 in the Nation in official rankings, however, I ended the tournament not even walking across the stage to receive an award. Of course with people around me telling me that i would win, it did go to my head. I thought 'everyone's saying this, there's no way it could go wrong'. Well let me tell you, it all went to hell.

California is nice, but it's the worst place to be depressed. The flight home from the tournament was long, and very rough. The subsequent weeks were worse, because of relations here on wiki. Of course my opinions and attitude had been heavily influenced by this tournament (something i had spent months preparing for). All of this combined led to a 'Witch Hunt Mentality' i felt like everyone had it out for me, no matter what i did, or who i was honest with.

Now, typically i get depressed in February and when Winter is almost finished in my region...but last year everything was depressing, until i moved to Michigan a few states over, to live for the summer without any Wikia business at all. (Oh, i'm telling you, i felt like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon, i didn't have to worry about home work, and i could strictly be myself around my true friends there. The only negative, is that i wouldn't suggest living in a house with 20 other guys...that wasn't the best, but it honestly all worked out.

Then school started back up again!!! (yay.....) This past fall will mostly be remembered for the "Season where i lost my mind'. I had a run in with a specific JanelleMeap...'nuff said. After a month of harassment, i finally blocked her and shoved her out of my life. But the damage was done. My social anxiety skyrocketed, and i needed assurance that people still liked me. I was paranoid. To make matters worse, someone who i believed was a close friend, decided to take that time, when i was already down, and dump her problems on me. She wanted me to solve them for her, and essentially cater to anything she told me to.

I'm the kind of person that doesn't enjoy ending relationships, specifically friendships, especially someone who i trusted. I always tell people "If you don't think we can work through out issues, then you can decide it's over. I'm not going to make that choise, you can, but i'm willing to work through any issue." They decided against 'getting along and over our issues'. That 'witch hunt mentality' came right back through this situation.

On a happier note, i ended the year, working for a retail company i LOVE. It was such an amazing experience. For being my first actual job, there was no 'net con' to the whole situation. I'm so glad to continue working with that company, and honestly, employment is kinda fun. XD

Now overall, i believe that even the good and the bad are important in life. The good is fun. The bad is not fun. However, the bad is so much more valuable. Because it test's your limits, and allows you to get through situations you didn't think you could get through. This makes you stronger, emotionally, physically, and mentally. This is why, even though life is rough, i believe it is always still worth living. Hard times, yes are hard, but think about benefits once you get through the rough. Diamonds are created through pressure. As people, we are 'pressed' and 'tested' every single day, but that just makes us into stronger diamonds. Because of all of this, i wrote a poem (for school, but it still applies) about last year, specifically my struggles with friends, enemies, and life in general. I hope you like it, and it offers some encouragement if you're going through a rough time.



Each line has a specific meaning, but the overall theme, is that no matter what life throws at your way, remember you are a powerful queen. Being 'Powerful' doesn't mean you stand above everyone else, no. Being powerful means, you are a vulnerable, honest, person who is not afraid to stand up for themselves, and ask for help. Our society tries to set up this 'class system', where you have to be popular to be 'on top' and be 'powerful' but that is so not true. Sometimes you're wrong, sometimes you're right. But when you put your mind to it, life can't throw anything at you, that you can't overcome. You can rise above any issue in your life. You can always become a better you, and even if you mess up, you can always come back from that. Reputations and labels get slapped on everyone, even if they don't ask for them. It is hard, but you can always change that label, you can always rewrite your reputation, and you can always change.

Overall, 2018 was literally hell. Even though every event I went through, seemed hard in the moment,(I was constantly thinking 'How am I going to overcome this"), I got through it all. I'm looking back at all of these situation that i didn't know i could rise above, but i have, and you can too. Everyone has hurt, and conflict in their lives, no matter the volume of your personal situation, you can rise above it.

My personal experience has even led me to rewrite my reputation, and change the negative labels i have stamped on my back. The path of self discovery, has been amazing. I feel like i know who i am, when before - i had no clue. When i first signed up for a (then) Wikia account, I chose the name London, because it sounded interesting. But the name London, doesn't have any true meaning in relation to me. This is why, from thus forward, i'm changing my name to Poison. Here's why: Poison is something that kills people (or at least doesn't do them any favors). Over the past years there's been a lot of social poison in my life, and i'm alleviating myself from it. I'm taking on the moniker Poison, because it reminds me, that even something that can kill you from the inside out, can't overcome you as a person. We live in an age were social anxiety and depression run rampant through the young generations in our culture. But even something like this 'social poison', if fought, can't overcome the true you.

Thanks for Reading:

Love,

~Poison✨✨