Impert Puck's Student Guide

This is the first diary of Impert Puck, Son of the Imp.

July, 14
I want to make this totally clear. THIS IS NOT A DIARY! It is a journal. They just ran out of ‘journals’ at Wail-Mart, and Clarissa made me get ‘Diary’ instead. I’ll definitely feature a lot of Clarissa in this diary, because even though she can be annoying, and over-affectionate, I actually do care about her a lot. So don’t think I hate her, okay? And I am not disgruntled. So don’t say that.

July, 20
I woke up this morning, and I didn’t remember, like, anything that happened. At all. And guess who woke me up in the morning? Yep. It could only be sweet little Clarissa Rue (well, big in my case) who had a grin of five thousand lights. If I were totally honest she must of slipped some Monster Energy in my coffee. Or at least I think I was having coffee. All I remember was that me and the ghoul were at the Coffin Bean, on a date, as usual. I need to talk to that ghoul.

July, 24
Today Clarissa got out of control and got hot and heavy in a huge argument with Yolanda, or the ‘Great Yola J.’ as she calls herself. Clarissa and Yolanda have been fighting ever since that incident…don’t ask about that, because it’ll take up all the pages in this pretty little book that I spent five dollars on getting. Seriously, I’m already broke as it is and the next time Clarissa forces me on a date, I hope she can afford it. So the two were fighting a lot. The biggest fight they’ve ever had. They were like wild animals, or a vampire trying to drink some of a dude’s blood. Either way it was psychotic. I just face palmed when the fight ended, and Clarissa looked at me like she was confused.

July, 28
Today a young zombie boy hobbled up to me to ask a question. He asked in a mixture of plain English and Zombie: “Wh-hhh-y ah-rrr yy-ooo so-ho-ho sho-o-ort?” At first I thought he was a bully, and I stood back in irritation. But then my mind switched - he might have been joking. I laughed funnily but he groaned at me. Typical zombies. So I thought he must be serious, so I explained that we imps are usually shorter than others for a wild reason. My parents were short. Their parents were short, and their parents were short too. All genetic stuff. Then the zombie hobbled over to the Ice-Scream cart like he wasn’t even listening.

August, 03
My Clawculus homework was not going to do itself, so I took a crack at it and decided to complete the whole thing. If you are a student at Monster High you will know that it has an outstanding reputation for it’s Clawculus classes among teaching society, though not amongst the hustle and bustle of the guys and ghouls. I can’t believe I just said all that. I sound like an internet tutorial. So basically I decided to stick my talent in Clawculus all over my results, so now it’s one of my favourite classes. I know, freaky or what?

August, 13
Today Clarissa dragged me outside when I was about to read a brand new comic book of SuperMourn. Dang it, that was the last issue I had to read and then I would have finished my collection. However, I may or may not have regretted my unpleasance. I still haven’t decided yet. You would not believe what I saw that day. There were floats, balloons, and stalls of food. It was all graceful and cute - I really liked it, though I think my face said the wrong thing. I have to admit, the displays weren’t the best decorated, and the cupcakes were kind of greasy for my liking - but still, a half-year anniversary parade on Anvil Avenue is kind of a rarity in any relationship.

August, 24
I ran over to the one ghoul who knew Clarissa best - Nessa Van Loch, her BFF. I begged her to persuade Clarissa to tone it down - again. This time I was more desperate than I ever have been before. No offence, Riss is a cool ghoul and all…but she’s just too rough on me! I explained how I was unhappy with how she was treating me, even though she is nice and I do care about her, she’s giving me stalker-like stares. I know - it’s weird, isn’t it? Nessa had a good talk with me, as she does, because trust me, if there’s one ghoul that can talk you into doing self-benefits, then Nessa is the ghoul. She even has this scary-cool Scottish accent, which makes her seem super-calm even when she’s angered. So she explained that Clarissa was crazy about me, in an affectionate way, and I should really appreciate it, though I finally convinced her to give Clarissa a good talk.

August, 28
I decided to treat my brave self with a traditional eight-cheese screechza from Furnando’s Screechza Palace - in a way larger size - while watching my favourite movie of all time - Freakfest at Piffany’s. Clawdrey Hepburn never fails to please me even when I’m depressed. Which I wasn’t at all - treat night is always a party at the Puck family house. Fortunately I never share my screechza, which my parents are used to.

September, 04
Today I went to the local hat store at the Maul to try on some new headgear, just in case I felt like spicing it up for the new school year. There are tons of hats out there - think about it, not all hats are the same. I usually have this cool purple baseball cap, but today I had a go at a bowler hat, a Panama hat, a Stetson, a trilby, a fez, a Rastacap, a newsboy cap, a flat cap, a fedora…howly fangbags, that’s a lot of hats. I think I might even just change the colour of my baseball cap. I don’t know, I do like my baseball cap. I just can’t decide - you see, I have a balding problem, so I prefer to wear a hat to conceal my problem.

September, 06
So the end of the vacation is arriving tomorrow, huh. Well, for one thing me and Clarissa haven’t broken up, so that’s kind of okay. I honestly don’t know what to say besides that I hope that Mr. Where got some new bandages. For howl’s sake, those are, like, ancient. Not that I check for stains or anything - okay, forget that I said that. I need to make sure that Clarissa doesn’t smuggle another cotton candy bouquet in my locker. I don’t like those. Can’t seem to get them out. Bye.

Trivia:

 * Freakfest at Piffany's and Clawdrey Hepburn are pastiches of Breakfast at Tiffany's, which starred Audrey Hepburn.